My whole world fall down

16 April, 2008 at 8:54 pm (My Life, Poems) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The smiling face of yesterday
So innocent and sincere
What a price she had to pay
A life of pain and fear.

Running around her coloured room
A face of happiness, care free
The perfect life, you would assume
Something that would never be.

Only 5, calm, sweet and true
So innocent and small
With not even a single clue
Of the girl who would shock them all

10 years later, what has changed
Why a life full of pain?
Her innocence, sweetness exchanged
Washed straight down the drain.

A life of drugs and drink
Something or anything to block out
A life that seems to sink and sink.
A life that’s filled with doubt.

Another year later, even worse
Another pill, drown the sorrow
Nothing to escape this curse
Hopes to not wake up tomorrow

A never ending dark depression
Forever growing, forever showing
Each day a new confession
Loosing the will to keep on going.

A worthless life full of sadness
Never able to succeed
From the outside it all is madness
A heart that continues to bleed.

Fake a smile everyday
Its easier than to frown
Slowly watch my petals fall away
My whole world fall down.

Permalink Leave a Comment

My Valentines Day – DUMPED

15 February, 2008 at 9:02 pm (My Life) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Ok, so here is my Valentines Day, in words, for anyone to read ❤

I woke up at 6:30, by the sound of my alarm on my phone blaring in my ear, couldn’t figure out where it was coming from, then realised i was lying on my phone, so i turned it off, rolled over, and went back to sleep.

Dad woke me up at 7:10, yelled at me, told me i was a lazy bitch, and to get up, so i did, straightened my hair, did my makeup, and got my bag.

Rob has taken me back, so i was actually looking forward to this Valentines Day, I got rob the most amazing card, about a metre tall, with two teddy bears, “To My Loving Boyfriend” i also got him a sweet “I love you” teddy bear and a heart shaped helium balloon, put them in a box, filled it with heart shaped confetti and rose petals, and wrapped it up ready to post on the way to school, even though it wouldn’t be there in time, at least he would get it. We had been going through a bad patch, he wasn’t talking to me, so i was waiting for him to, and hoping that the present would break the ice.

I was running late, so didn’t have time to post it, so made a mental note to do it that evening, and went to school.

I got to school, didn’t get a single Valentines Day card, or a single rose. I find it kind of embarrassing when my 12 year old brother gets more than i do, and all he got was a rose. Oh well, i didn’t let it get to me, because i had the best boyfriend in the world!

I had double PE, which is like the last thing i would ever want to do on a Thursday morning when it is freezing cold. Luckily we only had to do fitness, so we put on the aerobics dance video. DISASTER. I have no coordination. I knew that before, luckily for me, my best mate doesn’t either, so we attempted this video while tripping over each-others feet. Laugh of the day.

Had break, then ICT, carried on with my coursework, and screamed at the printer because it kept getting jammed. Went to art, organised all my coursework, sulked about how my drawing of a piece of coral looked more like an overly used bristly toothbrush than coral.

Had lunch, then went to chemistry, where i couldn’t even remember the two main groups of elements on the periodic table. Metals and Non-Metals…. grrrrrrrrrrrr. I am so far behind on my coursework that me and Cazzie got sent to the LRC (Library) to do the coursework. We sat there, gossiped, became lesbian valentines, and doodled in a notebook, which is now the official “Maths NoteBook” (how original).

The bell went, and i had to say goodbye to Cazzie, narrowly avoid lesbian sex in the toilet (inside joke) and went to ICT to do some coursework after school. My teacher said how good my work was!! I was actually quite proud.

I then had to walk home, carrying my huge art folder. I kid you not, this thing is HUGE, and so heavy. It took my 45 minutes to walk home with it, when it usually takes 30.

I got home, kept and eye on my brother, and went on the laptop. Changed my msn name, putting in a tribute to my new lesbian valentine, Cazzie, a joke, obviously.

My boyfriend messaged me on msn, told me it was over. Almost five months of my life, gone, just like that. So we had a long discussion/argument about how it was over. I asked him to tell me on the phone, i thought i would feel better being dumped by his voice, not his words on the screen, but i wasn’t, i just sat there and cried down the phone to him, begging him not to dump me, which resulted with him hanging up on me…(YAY for dignity). I went offline, threw the card away, and the teddy, and let the balloon go, (it got stuck in a tree. Just my luck.) and cried my heart out on the phone to various people, and crawled into bed with a bottle of vodka, chocolate, and ice cream. Typical dumped syndrome.

Of all the days he could of dumped me, he had to pick then. No break up has ever hurt this much before, i would do anything to have him back. We had our whole life planned, down to our wedding cake, now its gone.

He started texting me at 11, and we spent till 12 texting, he said he still loved me, but wont date me. He has completely broke my heart. He knew how much i loved him, i have never felt this way. Everything reminds me of him, i really cannot live without him,  im so scared of loving anyone else, all they do is break my heart.

Thanks for reading about my day, i didn’t know it would be so shit!

Permalink 2 Comments

Regarding Earlier Post

9 February, 2008 at 10:54 pm (My Life, Quotes And Sayings) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Just a response to my earlier post: https://samanthalouise.wordpress.com/2008/02/08/holding-on-to-him/

 He finally dumped me for real, i guess i deserved it.

I never loved anyone as much as i loved him, and being dumped has never hurt that much, i guess i now know the true feeling of heartbreak.

5 things i will remember:

  • The first time he told me he loved me.
  • How he asked me to be his gf while we were playing hangman online.
  • How we were going to have chocolate wedding cake.
  • Boom Boom Boom, i want you in my room and Avril Lavigne – Innocence
  • When he said they were having Gales, and i asked “Who’s Gale?”
If I don’t make things right
I’ll tell you one last time
I don’t wanna know it’s over
So save your goodbye kiss
I don’t wanna know it’s over
Cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
What’s in front of me
Cause the vodka’s running on empty
I can’t stay sober
If it’s over

Permalink Leave a Comment

</3

9 February, 2008 at 12:36 am (Quotes And Sayings) (, , , , , , , )

love

you’re not friends. you’ll never be friends.
you’ll be in love til it kills you both.
you’ll fight and you’ll have sex, and you’ll
hate eachother until it makes you quiver.
but you will never be friends.

WISH YOU WERE HERE

there is someone in her past that she hasn’t gotten over yet.
Each day’s like the last. She misses what she cant forget.
Its just an empty space where something used to be.
Now she guards the gate, but she’s lost the key.
So no one enters, but no one leaves.

Permalink Leave a Comment