A Cat’s New Year Resolutions

5 February, 2008 at 11:11 pm (Funny Texts, New Year, Quotes And Sayings) (, , , , )

A Cat’s New Year Resolutions
1. My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.

2. I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.

3. I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.

4. I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink’s drain.

5. I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I’m getting plenty of roughage.

6. I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)

7. I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.

8. I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

9. I will not perch on my human’s chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.

10. We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any humans’ bed while they’re trying to sleep.

11. Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

12. I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

13. I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

14. I will not intrude on my human’s candle-lit bubble bath and singe my bottom.

15. I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

16. If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

17. When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.

18. Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.

19. The dog can see me coming when I stalk her. He can see me and will move out of the way when I pounce, letting me smash into floors and walls. That does not mean I should take it as a personal insult when my humans sit there and laugh.

20. I will not play “dead cat on the stairs” while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

21. When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

22. I will not swat my human’s head repeatedly when she’s on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

23. When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.

24. Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

25. I am a walking static generator. My human doesn’t need my help installing a new board in her computer.

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Personal Goals For 2008

16 January, 2008 at 4:54 pm (New Year) (, , , , )

1. Pass All Real Exams [ ] 2. Do Better In Maths [X] 3. Repaint The Portrait Of Me And Sharan [ ] 4. Get One More Piercing [ ] 5. Go On Holiday With Martin, Ben, And Sharan [ ] 6. Get A Job [ ] 7. Complete Playmat In Textiles [ ] 8. Have A Whole Textiles Lesson Without Pissing Zabz Off [ ] 9. Get A New Laptop [ ] 10. Eat The Sprout I Avoided Eating At Christmas [X] 11. Get New Mascara [ ] 12. Save Money [ ] 13. Cook Dinner For A Group Of People, Just To Prove That I Can [ ] 14. Go To London Again With Martin, Ben, Sharan, Tabby [ ] 15. Go To Alton Towers Again [ ] 16. Send Back The Police Form For Student Police Thing [ ] 17. Dye My Hair A Colour Im Happy With [ ] 18. Do Better Than Sharan In At Least One Real Exam [ ] 19. Buy A New Wii Game [ ] 20. See PS I Love You [ ] 21. See Next Harry Potter Film [ ] 22. Buy A Book [ ] 23. Go On Holiday [ ] 24. Get Ipod Touch Case (The One From Curreys) [ ] 25. Finally Get Cazzie’s Number [X] 26. Go To The Studio 64 Photo Shoot [ ] 27. Make A Backup For Laptop [ ] 28. Do Well At College [ ] 29. Show Mike That Paramore Are Amazing [X] 30. Be Able To Play Rock Band On Any Setting But Easy [ ] 31. Reach Level 1000 On Wii Sports Tennis (Pro) [ ] 32. Finish Mario Party On Wii [ ] 33. Find A New Hobby [ ] 34. Spend Less Time Online [ ] 35. Buy Sharan A Nice Birthday Present [ ] 36. Meet Someone New [X] 37. Go To Thorpe Park! [ ] 38. Go To Chessington [ ] 39. Go To The Park [ ] 40. Go To The Lodge With Zabz [ ] 41. Go To The Rec [ ] 42. Go Shopping In London [ ] 43. Go Shopping In Camberley [X] 44. Go Shopping In Reading [ ] 45. Go Shopping In Guilford [ ] 46. Go Shopping In Basingstoke [X] 47. Go Shopping In Stains [ ] 48. Go Shopping In Woking [X] 49. Go Shopping Somewhere Where I Have Never Been Shopping Before [ ] 50. Buy A Really Nice Pair Of Shoes [X] 51. Buy A New School Bag [X] 52. Steal A Key Off Alex’s Laptop (The ? One I Hope, Or The S) [ ] 53. Get A Webcam That Works [ ] 54. Take Lots Of Photos [ ] 55. Make The Bebo Skin I Owe Sharan [ ] 56. Buy Something Without Taking The Price Into Account, Buy It Cos I Like It [ ] 57. Get An A* In A Science Module Test [ ] 58. Eat Ben And Jerry’s Ice Cream [X] 59. Sit Next To Cazzie In Maths [X] 60. Buy Another Wii Nunchuck [ ] 61. Get A Dog (Least Likely To Happen Out Of Them All) [ ] 62. Slap Cazzie Next Time She Sings Sandra D In Maths [X] 62. Buy A Top Similar To The One In New Look Which I Saw With Sharan [ ] 63. Do Something For Charity [ ] 64. Do Something For Parents To Show How Much I Appreciate Them [ ] 65. Do Something For Nan To Show How Much I Appreciate Everything She Does For me [ ] 66. Convince Cazzie That She Is A Dirty Bitch [X] 66. Go Shopping In London With Sharan[ ] 67. Go Shopping In Camberley With Sharan [ ] 68. Go Shopping In Reading With Sharan [ ] 69. Go Shopping In Guilford With Sharan [ ] 70. Go Shopping In Basingstoke With Sharan [X] 71. Go Shopping In Stains With Sharan[ ] 72. Go Shopping In Woking With Sharan [ ] 73. Go Shopping Somewhere Where I Have Never Been Shopping Before With Sharan [ ] 74. See Danny [ ]

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2008 – Make It Count

13 January, 2008 at 2:11 am (New Year) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

We opened the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.

“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.”

A New year is a fresh start and a new beginning So forget any sadness and pain of the last year. Treasure the memories and the good times, 2008, a new start  make this year better than any before.

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